I've noticed an captivating trend with some of my clients' mindsets lately - see if you can pick it out from these examples.
1. "Should I leave my safe, boring corporate job and supervene my dream of starting my own business?"
2. "It's my dream in life to be an "A-list actor in Hollywood. What should I do?"
3. "How do I find my life's purpose?
Here are my answers, respectively:
1. "Yes."
2. "Audition a lot."
3. "Try anything and all until something lights you up; then sink your teeth in."
I'm being a bit glib, but essentially the mindset is this:
"There's a right way to do things, and if I could just find what that is, all my problems and challenges would vanish."
Take a occasion and consideration if you ever see this way of mental in your own life. Maybe it shows up in these other attitudes:
"I don't want to do it (or be) wrong."
"There's an scholar out there who knows a lot more than I do."
"Life would be a whole lot good if I knew the secret."
And consideration the way the media exploit it so well with their messages:
o Eat our yogurt and you'll be as thin (and happy!) as the models in our commercial.
o Attend our argument and you'll solve all your money worries overnight.
o Use our shampoo and life will be one orgasmic taste after another.
o There's something risky in the water you drink - tune into our newscast at 10:00 to find out how it affects you.
These de facto tap into our culture's tendency toward black and white thinking. We want to simplify things as either right or wrong, good or bad, true or false.
You've probably heard all this before, so you won't be surprised if I talk about life as lots of shades of grey between the extremes, rather than being black and white.
Well, I'm not going to, because I don't believe it's shades of grey either. Otherwise, questions such as "how do I come to be an A-list actor?" and "should I leave my job to pursue my dream?" and "what's my life's purpose?" get reduced to problems that are solvable by rational thought.
Treat life as a series of problems and that's what it'll be.
Allow me to offer someone else approach: Creative Authenticity.
Of course, I could write volumes on this, and many already have been. I can't do it justice in one brief newsletter, but I'll give you some bottom line elements of it.
1. Understand Your Values: those things at your core that point you toward what's most leading in your life. You didn't select them and you can't consciously turn them; they are what they are.
2. Take a step back and look at your whole life through the lens of your values. It's part of knowing who you are.
3. Simply consideration your deeper desires. When I say "simply notice," that's what I mean. Don't try to form them out or generate them - it's more like watching a ballgame from the stands. And when I say "deeper desires, that's also what I mean. Jonesing for an ice cream is great, and there's something more big about honoring "the turn you wish to see in the world."
4. Decide who you want to be and how you want to be as you live your life. Let go of what to do and how to do it.
5. Tap into your creative imagination - that's where anything is possible.
6. Practice living in the moment. Cliché? Maybe, but if you want to live your life fully, you have to be there for it. Allow life to be a creative moment-to-moment experience.
Don't get me wrong, there are all the time decisions and choices to be made (and they're how you get where you're going) and you want your rational mind engaged in the process.
But once you've matched your desires with your values, you'll quit the hard work of "doing it right" and solving all of life's problems. Instead, the actions to take will be obvious, even inevitable. You'll stand for what you believe with power and you'll quit apologizing for your heavy power. Best of all, life will be rich and fulfilling.
And what could be good than that?
It's Not Even Shades of Grey